Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's prominent hosts used the broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that allows overseas nationals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. The program's portal promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.